i am so up and down these days. i had felt that i was making good progress in acceptance with living this life and then i am hit with very emotional days. Days when i don't want to get out of bed. When i lay on the couch all day hoping the L's don't notice how down i am. They would worry. i sailed through Valentine's Day and was a mess for 2 days after.
Last night i don't think i got more than 4 hours sleep. Why? I have no idea ~ i just couldn't sleep so i listened to An Echo In the Bone, played solitaire, worked several crossword puzzles. Now, today, even on 4 hours sleep i feel more like doing something. What gives?
i know that i am making progress in acceptance. i can sit in church on Sunday morning and not want to weep when i see the married couples together. i can move about my house without the continual ache of "aloneness"; it is there sometimes but not continually. i can get in my car to run errands and not think that someone else should be here with me. There are more days than ever now when i go about my day just doing what i do without the pain of loss. i don't think "This isn't right!" much anymore. i think all of this indicates progress. i think it will always be a work in progress.
